eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
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