it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you inspire me to be a worse person
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
