You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
