I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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