I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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