It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
