Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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