She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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