I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He did a backflip because drugs
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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