what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
