The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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