I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
