We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
