real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
