Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
