dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
