she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
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I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
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We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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