I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
