just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize