Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
