Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
