I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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