I think I am morally bankrupt
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
