Your face is a jimmy john
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
