just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
