cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
