I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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