Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize