Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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