Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
