So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
