Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
