why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
