Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
