Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
