I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I understand Curling. That high.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
