oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
