At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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