Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
