dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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