I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
