im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize