She is in my trunk
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
