If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
