No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
