Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
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They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
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Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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