Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
