omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
