You're my little dorito
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
