Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
