i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
