Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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