Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
