it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
