I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
