Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
