i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
