You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
