There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
