me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You're like the curious george of whores
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
