This is not my ceiling
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
