Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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