I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
