so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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