cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
